RR

looking back, the hope for us finding real love
was better than the love itself
and disassembling each truth that stumped us
was more fun than the answers we extracted

i never expected to find my best friend
wailing through the cliches of lips sliced open with a steak knife like the black dahlia
----but i did. the most honest friend ive ever had

and now that violent smile i so once deserved --has healed.
but yours is more stubborn.
it simply will not.
never have my hands been so nervously helpless
never have i wished more that i could take your pain and scream out to fly away and never look back
the hope i had for so many things has melted into the earth and i feel i could take on your pain
sometimes
all the while im wondering why life is so unfair
so horrific...this balance i study is so mishapen sometimes
and damn..... you are so far away.
with head in hands --i am
thinking thinking thinking...but no words come out
just thoughts thoughts thoughts about how
ive always hated terminals
but this kind of terminal is a wound without
a metaphor. ive lost every. single. one.
this pain is stark. this is looking into the sun.
i need my best friend to see this while i have the strength to type it out.
you can copy and keep every word
grip your fist around my every nuance
.....and maybe it sticking to your hands will
help to ease the boiling contractions of panic i feel
when i think this through without that very hope i had been trying so hard to let melt away. i need it now.
veils upon veils of different scenerios and outcomes play inside of my head
but the scenerios i build alone in this darkness
all start the same:
weve both been silent since the day we found out
and then God made it literal for you
then left us at the terminal.
then it all goes black and i call out for hope.
the next veil floats down and gets carried away in my winds of thought.....


for my best friend, my other.
this is everything i have to give.

i love you.